| First there was Chaos. It was all a big mess. Gaia | | | | that because he stole her babies Gaia was |
| was a flaky hippie in most people's eyes but she | | | | justified in sending Cronos, the youngest Titan to |
| tried her best. Both her sons had clean sandals | | | | chop daddy's knackers off and chuck them in the |
| and never wanted for a glass of ambrosia. | | | | Med. |
| Nonetheless, things were difficult for the first | | | | But of course these family jewels had belonged |
| gods. Gaias first born boy Tartarus was wearing | | | | to a God, so a billion sperm entered the sea, |
| far too much black and never cleaned up his | | | | looking for a suitable place to rest. One found the |
| bedroom and his little brother Eros was moping | | | | west wind and as it approached Cyprus, the fresh |
| around the house sighing and looking annoyingly | | | | new Goddess Aphrodite sprang ashore, looking |
| wistful; patently he in love again. Being a single | | | | fantastic with flowers blooming all around her and |
| mother on Mount Olympus was hard work and | | | | a wispy bit of cloth to tastefully hide a little of her |
| Gaia missed grown up company. | | | | nakedness... but not too much. |
| Later that day she noticed the heavenly Uranus, | | | | Back at home up on Olympus things had not |
| with his strong, straight nose, golden flowing locks | | | | improved. Since Cronos did the dirty on his dad, |
| of hair and really tight Levis mowing the lawn. He | | | | he had got ideas above his station and had taken |
| was a quiet one, but he did look amazing and for | | | | a shine to his own sister Rhea who was now the |
| Gaia feelings stirred. | | | | mother of a whole new set of gods. However |
| Ok, that was another bad mistake. Never sleep | | | | Cronos was a man with appetites and ate the |
| with a hyper-fertile God. Shouldn't someone have | | | | kids, swallowing them whole. Rhea hid little Zeus |
| warned her? 12 new kids to look after. The | | | | before Daddy could swallow him and when he |
| Titans! a whole soccer team of proto gods with | | | | grew up he challenged his horrid father. "Dad, |
| full nappies and... what was that stirring inside. Ye | | | | fancy an arm wrestle?" he asked. Quite why an |
| Gods not more babies. This next lot were an ugly | | | | arm wrestle was considered a good way of |
| bunch. Cyclopses with faces only a mother could | | | | getting rid of your mass murdering incestuous |
| love, and love them she did. | | | | rapist father has been lost in the mists of time. |
| Uranus, on the other hand, couldn't even look at | | | | Anyway to cut a long story short, Zeus freed |
| his new babies, the cyclopses, and one night he | | | | anyone who could be freed, killed anyone who |
| took them away and hid them in a cave. That | | | | should have been killed and sat himself at the top |
| was hardly a fine example of good parenting and | | | | of the table in the Mount Olympus town hall. And |
| now Gaia snapped. The case for the defense was | | | | that is how it happened. |