| First there was Chaos. It was all a big | | | | the defense was that because he stole her |
| mess. Gaia was a flaky hippie in most | | | | babies Gaia was justified in sending Cronos, |
| people's eyes but she tried her best. Both | | | | the youngest Titan to chop daddy's knackers |
| her sons had clean sandals and never wanted | | | | off and chuck them in the Med. |
| for a glass of ambrosia. Nonetheless, things | | | | |
| were difficult for the first gods. Gaias | | | | But of course these family jewels had |
| first born boy Tartarus was wearing far too | | | | belonged to a God, so a billion sperm entered |
| much black and never cleaned up his bedroom | | | | the sea, looking for a suitable place to |
| and his little brother Eros was moping around | | | | rest. One found the west wind and as it |
| the house sighing and looking annoyingly | | | | approached Cyprus, the fresh new Goddess |
| wistful; patently he in love again. Being a | | | | Aphrodite sprang ashore, looking fantastic |
| single mother on Mount Olympus was hard work | | | | with flowers blooming all around her and a |
| and Gaia missed grown up company. | | | | wispy bit of cloth to tastefully hide a |
| | | | little of her nakedness... but not too much. |
| Later that day she noticed the heavenly | | | | |
| Uranus, with his strong, straight nose, | | | | Back at home up on Olympus things had not |
| golden flowing locks of hair and really tight | | | | improved. Since Cronos did the dirty on his |
| Levis mowing the lawn. He was a quiet one, | | | | dad, he had got ideas above his station and |
| but he did look amazing and for Gaia feelings | | | | had taken a shine to his own sister Rhea who |
| stirred. | | | | was now the mother of a whole new set of |
| | | | gods. However Cronos was a man with appetites |
| Ok, that was another bad mistake. Never sleep | | | | and ate the kids, swallowing them whole. |
| with a hyper-fertile God. Shouldn't someone | | | | Rhea hid little Zeus before Daddy could |
| have warned her? 12 new kids to look after. | | | | swallow him and when he grew up he challenged |
| The Titans! a whole soccer team of proto gods | | | | his horrid father. "Dad, fancy an arm |
| with full nappies and... what was that | | | | wrestle?" he asked. Quite why an arm wrestle |
| stirring inside. Ye Gods not more babies. | | | | was considered a good way of getting rid of |
| This next lot were an ugly bunch. Cyclopses | | | | your mass murdering incestuous rapist father |
| with faces only a mother could love, and love | | | | has been lost in the mists of time. |
| them she did. | | | | |
| | | | Anyway to cut a long story short, Zeus freed |
| Uranus, on the other hand, couldn't even look | | | | anyone who could be freed, killed anyone who |
| at his new babies, the cyclopses, and one | | | | should have been killed and sat himself at |
| night he took them away and hid them in a | | | | the top of the table in the Mount Olympus |
| cave. That was hardly a fine example of good | | | | town hall. And that is how it happened. |
| parenting and now Gaia snapped. The case for | | | | |