| Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. | | | | defined by The American Heritage Dictionary of |
| We're going to talk about time today because I | | | | the English Language as...Wait a second! Let's not |
| never seem to have enough of it. And I figure | | | | even go there. We're already pretty confused as |
| that if I dedicate a whole column to the subject | | | | it is. Let's just all agree that a clock is a device |
| of time and stress some of it's finer points, then | | | | that has lots of numbers and two arms and |
| perhaps Father Time will show his appreciation by | | | | makes it's living by juggling minutes and seconds. |
| granting me a few extra hours each day. This will | | | | I feel the extreme need to insert a time cliche |
| allow me to be able to complete a couple more | | | | here. This cliche makes absolutely no sense |
| important tasks each day such as hitting the | | | | whatsoever and probably has pagan, barbaric |
| 'Snooze' button on my alarm clock at least 15 | | | | origins, but I think it summarizes what we've |
| more times each morning. And speaking of | | | | learned thus far in our discussion. So here goes |
| snoozing, there will be none of that during today's | | | | our first time cliche 'A stitch in time saves nine'. |
| lesson which will begin right now: | | | | And now back to the show. |
| Time is defined by the The American Heritage | | | | There have been numerous different kinds of |
| Dictionary of the English Language as: 'A nonspatial | | | | clocks throughout history. Many of them made |
| continuum in which events occur in apparently | | | | absolutely no sense whatsoever. A good example |
| irreversible succession from the past through the | | | | of this is the ancient Egyptian water clock, which |
| present to the future.' This definition leads us to | | | | was basically just a bowl with a hole in the |
| the obvious question: If a definition contains 20 | | | | bottom of it. There were markings on the inside |
| word, 5 of which contain 10 or more letters, and | | | | of the bowl that measured the passage of 'hours' |
| it still doesn't make much sense, isn't it time to | | | | as the water level reached them. One of the |
| get another dictionary? | | | | obvious problems with this clock was the fact |
| Of course, dictionaries aren't the only people who | | | | that whenever working-class Egyptians wanted to |
| have trouble with time. The ancient Mayans, for | | | | get off work early they would keep taking little |
| example, struggled to understand time for | | | | sips of water from the bowl/clock throughout the |
| centuries and never got it quite right. One look at | | | | day. This was one of the reasons it took so long |
| their calender clues you in to this fact. The Mayan | | | | to finish the Pyramids.That and the lack of power |
| calender had 18 months, one of which was called | | | | tools. |
| ChikChan (short for May), and each month had 20 | | | | Time doesn't permit us to talk about the other |
| days. There was even one month, Wayeb, that | | | | types of ancient clocks like obelisks, sundials, and |
| had only 5 days. As you can imagine, this horribly | | | | hemicycles. And there definitely isn't time to go |
| inaccurate calender made scheduling important | | | | into merkhets. |
| events like the Super Bowl next to impossible. It | | | | Speaking of merkhets, a close cousin of the clock |
| also left them wide open to insults from other | | | | is the watch. The watch is the time-telling device |
| ancient civilizations, like the Sumerians for | | | | that most of us use today. We do not however, |
| example, who had fairly accurate calenders. | | | | use it to tell time. We use it to do numerous |
| The Sumerian calender had 365 days per year | | | | other tasks that watch manufacturers have |
| and even incorporated a leap year. Sadly, there | | | | incorporated into watches like instant messaging, |
| was no Presidents Day, Martin Luther King Day, | | | | reading email, and fast forwarding the DVD player. |
| or Arbor Day incorporated into the Sumerian | | | | There's even a new watch on the market that |
| calender which is why the Sumerian civilization | | | | comes equip with a radiation detector. And you |
| was eventually wiped out. Such flagrant calender | | | | laughed at the Eyptians for drinking from their |
| discrimination, even in the Dark Ages, could not | | | | time-telling devices. |
| be tolerated. | | | | Obviously, time is not something that can be |
| Since we have covered all pertinent information | | | | explained in just one lesson. There's a ton of |
| available about calenders, I think it's high time we | | | | more interesting stuff we could go into about |
| expand our understanding of time by discussing | | | | time but, frankly, I don't feel like taking the time |
| another mechanism by which we mortals judge | | | | to look it up right now. I believe I've achieved my |
| the passing of it. But first, does anyone know | | | | goal of using as many time cliches as I possibly |
| where the phrase 'high time' comes from? Is | | | | could in one article and now, I think it's time to call |
| there such a thing as 'low time'. Feel free to | | | | an extended timeout on this whole time subject. |
| ponder these questions quietly as we move on to | | | | I'm sure when I do write the follow-up to this |
| discussing: The Clock. | | | | article that it will be just in the nick of time. |
| A clock, for those of you who don't know, is | | | | |