| Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: | | | | defined by The American Heritage Dictionary |
| Time. We're going to talk about time today | | | | of the English Language as...Wait a second! |
| because I never seem to have enough of it. | | | | Let's not even go there. We're already pretty |
| And I figure that if I dedicate a whole | | | | confused as it is. Let's just all agree that |
| column to the subject of time and stress some | | | | a clock is a device that has lots of numbers |
| of it's finer points, then perhaps Father | | | | and two arms and makes it's living by |
| Time will show his appreciation by granting | | | | juggling minutes and seconds. |
| me a few extra hours each day. This will | | | | |
| allow me to be able to complete a couple more | | | | I feel the extreme need to insert a time |
| important tasks each day such as hitting the | | | | cliche here. This cliche makes absolutely no |
| 'Snooze' button on my alarm clock at least 15 | | | | sense whatsoever and probably has pagan, |
| more times each morning. And speaking of | | | | barbaric origins, but I think it summarizes |
| snoozing, there will be none of that during | | | | what we've learned thus far in our |
| today's lesson which will begin right now: | | | | discussion. So here goes our first time |
| | | | cliche 'A stitch in time saves nine'. And now |
| Time is defined by the The American Heritage | | | | back to the show. |
| Dictionary of the English Language as: 'A | | | | |
| nonspatial continuum in which events occur in | | | | There have been numerous different kinds of |
| apparently irreversible succession from the | | | | clocks throughout history. Many of them made |
| past through the present to the future.' This | | | | absolutely no sense whatsoever. A good |
| definition leads us to the obvious question: | | | | example of this is the ancient Egyptian water |
| If a definition contains 20 word, 5 of which | | | | clock, which was basically just a bowl with a |
| contain 10 or more letters, and it still | | | | hole in the bottom of it. There were markings |
| doesn't make much sense, isn't it time to get | | | | on the inside of the bowl that measured the |
| another dictionary? | | | | passage of 'hours' as the water level reached |
| | | | them. One of the obvious problems with this |
| Of course, dictionaries aren't the only | | | | clock was the fact that whenever |
| people who have trouble with time. The | | | | working-class Egyptians wanted to get off |
| ancient Mayans, for example, struggled to | | | | work early they would keep taking little sips |
| understand time for centuries and never got | | | | of water from the bowl/clock throughout the |
| it quite right. One look at their calender | | | | day. This was one of the reasons it took so |
| clues you in to this fact. The Mayan calender | | | | long to finish the Pyramids.That and the lack |
| had 18 months, one of which was called | | | | of power tools. |
| ChikChan (short for May), and each month had | | | | |
| 20 days. There was even one month, Wayeb, | | | | Time doesn't permit us to talk about the |
| that had only 5 days. As you can imagine, | | | | other types of ancient clocks like obelisks, |
| this horribly inaccurate calender made | | | | sundials, and hemicycles. And there |
| scheduling important events like the Super | | | | definitely isn't time to go into merkhets. |
| Bowl next to impossible. It also left them | | | | |
| wide open to insults from other ancient | | | | Speaking of merkhets, a close cousin of the |
| civilizations, like the Sumerians for | | | | clock is the watch. The watch is the |
| example, who had fairly accurate calenders. | | | | time-telling device that most of us use |
| | | | today. We do not however, use it to tell |
| The Sumerian calender had 365 days per year | | | | time. We use it to do numerous other tasks |
| and even incorporated a leap year. Sadly, | | | | that watch manufacturers have incorporated |
| there was no Presidents Day, Martin Luther | | | | into watches like instant messaging, reading |
| King Day, or Arbor Day incorporated into the | | | | email, and fast forwarding the DVD player. |
| Sumerian calender which is why the Sumerian | | | | There's even a new watch on the market that |
| civilization was eventually wiped out. Such | | | | comes equip with a radiation detector. And |
| flagrant calender discrimination, even in the | | | | you laughed at the Eyptians for drinking from |
| Dark Ages, could not be tolerated. | | | | their time-telling devices. |
| | | | |
| Since we have covered all pertinent | | | | Obviously, time is not something that can be |
| information available about calenders, I | | | | explained in just one lesson. There's a ton |
| think it's high time we expand our | | | | of more interesting stuff we could go into |
| understanding of time by discussing another | | | | about time but, frankly, I don't feel like |
| mechanism by which we mortals judge the | | | | taking the time to look it up right now. I |
| passing of it. But first, does anyone know | | | | believe I've achieved my goal of using as |
| where the phrase 'high time' comes from? Is | | | | many time cliches as I possibly could in one |
| there such a thing as 'low time'. Feel free | | | | article and now, I think it's time to call an |
| to ponder these questions quietly as we move | | | | extended timeout on this whole time subject. |
| on to discussing: The Clock. | | | | I'm sure when I do write the follow-up to |
| | | | this article that it will be just in the nick |
| A clock, for those of you who don't know, is | | | | of time. |