| Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: | | | | know, is defined by The American |
| Time. We're going to talk about time | | | | Heritage Dictionary of the English |
| today because I never seem to have | | | | Language as...Wait a second! Let's not |
| enough of it. And I figure that if I | | | | even go there. We're already pretty |
| dedicate a whole column to the subject | | | | confused as it is. Let's just all agree |
| of time and stress some of it's finer | | | | that a clock is a device that has lots |
| points, then perhaps Father Time will | | | | of numbers and two arms and makes it's |
| show his appreciation by granting me a | | | | living by juggling minutes and seconds. |
| few extra hours each day. This will | | | | I feel the extreme need to insert a time |
| allow me to be able to complete a couple | | | | cliche here. This cliche makes |
| more important tasks each day such as | | | | absolutely no sense whatsoever and |
| hitting the 'Snooze' button on my alarm | | | | probably has pagan, barbaric origins, |
| clock at least 15 more times each | | | | but I think it summarizes what we've |
| morning. And speaking of snoozing, there | | | | learned thus far in our discussion. So |
| will be none of that during today's | | | | here goes our first time cliche 'A |
| lesson which will begin right now: | | | | stitch in time saves nine'. And now back |
| Time is defined by the The American | | | | to the show. |
| Heritage Dictionary of the English | | | | There have been numerous different kinds |
| Language as: 'A nonspatial continuum in | | | | of clocks throughout history. Many of |
| which events occur in apparently | | | | them made absolutely no sense |
| irreversible succession from the past | | | | whatsoever. A good example of this is |
| through the present to the future.' This | | | | the ancient Egyptian water clock, which |
| definition leads us to the obvious | | | | was basically just a bowl with a hole in |
| question: If a definition contains 20 | | | | the bottom of it. There were markings on |
| word, 5 of which contain 10 or more | | | | the inside of the bowl that measured the |
| letters, and it still doesn't make much | | | | passage of 'hours' as the water level |
| sense, isn't it time to get another | | | | reached them. One of the obvious |
| dictionary? | | | | problems with this clock was the fact |
| Of course, dictionaries aren't the only | | | | that whenever working-class Egyptians |
| people who have trouble with time. The | | | | wanted to get off work early they would |
| ancient Mayans, for example, struggled | | | | keep taking little sips of water from |
| to understand time for centuries and | | | | the bowl/clock throughout the day. This |
| never got it quite right. One look at | | | | was one of the reasons it took so long |
| their calender clues you in to this | | | | to finish the Pyramids.That and the lack |
| fact. The Mayan calender had 18 months, | | | | of power tools. |
| one of which was called ChikChan (short | | | | Time doesn't permit us to talk about the |
| for May), and each month had 20 days. | | | | other types of ancient clocks like |
| There was even one month, Wayeb, that | | | | obelisks, sundials, and hemicycles. And |
| had only 5 days. As you can imagine, | | | | there definitely isn't time to go into |
| this horribly inaccurate calender made | | | | merkhets. |
| scheduling important events like the | | | | Speaking of merkhets, a close cousin of |
| Super Bowl next to impossible. It also | | | | the clock is the watch. The watch is the |
| left them wide open to insults from | | | | time-telling device that most of us use |
| other ancient civilizations, like the | | | | today. We do not however, use it to tell |
| Sumerians for example, who had fairly | | | | time. We use it to do numerous other |
| accurate calenders. | | | | tasks that watch manufacturers have |
| The Sumerian calender had 365 days per | | | | incorporated into watches like instant |
| year and even incorporated a leap year. | | | | messaging, reading email, and fast |
| Sadly, there was no Presidents Day, | | | | forwarding the DVD player. There's even |
| Martin Luther King Day, or Arbor Day | | | | a new watch on the market that comes |
| incorporated into the Sumerian calender | | | | equip with a radiation detector. And you |
| which is why the Sumerian civilization | | | | laughed at the Eyptians for drinking |
| was eventually wiped out. Such flagrant | | | | from their time-telling devices. |
| calender discrimination, even in the | | | | Obviously, time is not something that |
| Dark Ages, could not be tolerated. | | | | can be explained in just one lesson. |
| Since we have covered all pertinent | | | | There's a ton of more interesting stuff |
| information available about calenders, I | | | | we could go into about time but, |
| think it's high time we expand our | | | | frankly, I don't feel like taking the |
| understanding of time by discussing | | | | time to look it up right now. I believe |
| another mechanism by which we mortals | | | | I've achieved my goal of using as many |
| judge the passing of it. But first, does | | | | time cliches as I possibly could in one |
| anyone know where the phrase 'high time' | | | | article and now, I think it's time to |
| comes from? Is there such a thing as | | | | call an extended timeout on this whole |
| 'low time'. Feel free to ponder these | | | | time subject. I'm sure when I do write |
| questions quietly as we move on to | | | | the follow-up to this article that it |
| discussing: The Clock. | | | | will be just in the nick of time. |
| A clock, for those of you who don't | | | | |