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Warning: This Article Is A Waste Of Time

Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is:know, is defined by The American
Time. We're going to talk about timeHeritage Dictionary of the English
today because I never seem to haveLanguage as...Wait a second! Let's not
enough of it. And I figure that if Ieven go there. We're already pretty
dedicate a whole column to the subjectconfused as it is. Let's just all agree
of time and stress some of it's finerthat a clock is a device that has lots
points, then perhaps Father Time willof numbers and two arms and makes it's
show his appreciation by granting me aliving by juggling minutes and seconds.
few extra hours each day. This willI feel the extreme need to insert a time
allow me to be able to complete a couplecliche here. This cliche makes
more important tasks each day such asabsolutely no sense whatsoever and
hitting the 'Snooze' button on my alarmprobably has pagan, barbaric origins,
clock at least 15 more times eachbut I think it summarizes what we've
morning. And speaking of snoozing, therelearned thus far in our discussion. So
will be none of that during today'shere goes our first time cliche 'A
lesson which will begin right now:stitch in time saves nine'. And now back
Time is defined by the The Americanto the show.
Heritage Dictionary of the EnglishThere have been numerous different kinds
Language as: 'A nonspatial continuum inof clocks throughout history. Many of
which events occur in apparentlythem made absolutely no sense
irreversible succession from the pastwhatsoever. A good example of this is
through the present to the future.' Thisthe ancient Egyptian water clock, which
definition leads us to the obviouswas basically just a bowl with a hole in
question: If a definition contains 20the bottom of it. There were markings on
word, 5 of which contain 10 or morethe inside of the bowl that measured the
letters, and it still doesn't make muchpassage of 'hours' as the water level
sense, isn't it time to get anotherreached them. One of the obvious
dictionary?problems with this clock was the fact
Of course, dictionaries aren't the onlythat whenever working-class Egyptians
people who have trouble with time. Thewanted to get off work early they would
ancient Mayans, for example, struggledkeep taking little sips of water from
to understand time for centuries andthe bowl/clock throughout the day. This
never got it quite right. One look atwas one of the reasons it took so long
their calender clues you in to thisto finish the Pyramids.That and the lack
fact. The Mayan calender had 18 months,of power tools.
one of which was called ChikChan (shortTime doesn't permit us to talk about the
for May), and each month had 20 days.other types of ancient clocks like
There was even one month, Wayeb, thatobelisks, sundials, and hemicycles. And
had only 5 days. As you can imagine,there definitely isn't time to go into
this horribly inaccurate calender mademerkhets.
scheduling important events like theSpeaking of merkhets, a close cousin of
Super Bowl next to impossible. It alsothe clock is the watch. The watch is the
left them wide open to insults fromtime-telling device that most of us use
other ancient civilizations, like thetoday. We do not however, use it to tell
Sumerians for example, who had fairlytime. We use it to do numerous other
accurate calenders.tasks that watch manufacturers have
The Sumerian calender had 365 days perincorporated into watches like instant
year and even incorporated a leap year.messaging, reading email, and fast
Sadly, there was no Presidents Day,forwarding the DVD player. There's even
Martin Luther King Day, or Arbor Daya new watch on the market that comes
incorporated into the Sumerian calenderequip with a radiation detector. And you
which is why the Sumerian civilizationlaughed at the Eyptians for drinking
was eventually wiped out. Such flagrantfrom their time-telling devices.
calender discrimination, even in theObviously, time is not something that
Dark Ages, could not be tolerated.can be explained in just one lesson.
Since we have covered all pertinentThere's a ton of more interesting stuff
information available about calenders, Iwe could go into about time but,
think it's high time we expand ourfrankly, I don't feel like taking the
understanding of time by discussingtime to look it up right now. I believe
another mechanism by which we mortalsI've achieved my goal of using as many
judge the passing of it. But first, doestime cliches as I possibly could in one
anyone know where the phrase 'high time'article and now, I think it's time to
comes from? Is there such a thing ascall an extended timeout on this whole
'low time'. Feel free to ponder thesetime subject. I'm sure when I do write
questions quietly as we move on tothe follow-up to this article that it
discussing: The Clock.will be just in the nick of time.
A clock, for those of you who don't



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