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Warning: This Article Is A Waste Of Time

Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is:defined by The American Heritage Dictionary
Time. We're going to talk about time todayof the English Language as...Wait a second!
because I never seem to have enough of it.Let's not even go there. We're already pretty
And I figure that if I dedicate a wholeconfused as it is. Let's just all agree that
column to the subject of time and stress somea clock is a device that has lots of numbers
of it's finer points, then perhaps Fatherand two arms and makes it's living by
Time will show his appreciation by grantingjuggling  minutes  and  seconds.
me a few extra hours each day. This will
allow me to be able to complete a couple moreI feel the extreme need to insert a time
important tasks each day such as hitting thecliche here. This cliche makes absolutely no
'Snooze' button on my alarm clock at least 15sense whatsoever and probably has pagan,
more times each morning. And speaking ofbarbaric origins, but I think it summarizes
snoozing, there will be none of that duringwhat we've learned thus far in our
today's  lesson  which  will begin right now:discussion. So here goes our first time
cliche 'A stitch in time saves nine'. And now
Time is defined by the The American Heritageback  to  the  show.
Dictionary of the English Language as: 'A
nonspatial continuum in which events occur inThere have been numerous different kinds of
apparently irreversible succession from theclocks throughout history. Many of them made
past through the present to the future.' Thisabsolutely no sense whatsoever. A good
definition leads us to the obvious question:example of this is the ancient Egyptian water
If a definition contains 20 word, 5 of whichclock, which was basically just a bowl with a
contain 10 or more letters, and it stillhole in the bottom of it. There were markings
doesn't make much sense, isn't it time to geton the inside of the bowl that measured the
another  dictionary?passage of 'hours' as the water level reached
them. One of the obvious problems with this
Of course, dictionaries aren't the onlyclock was the fact that whenever
people who have trouble with time. Theworking-class Egyptians wanted to get off
ancient Mayans, for example, struggled towork early they would keep taking little sips
understand time for centuries and never gotof water from the bowl/clock throughout the
it quite right. One look at their calenderday. This was one of the reasons it took so
clues you in to this fact. The Mayan calenderlong to finish the Pyramids.That and the lack
had 18 months, one of which was calledof  power  tools.
ChikChan (short for May), and each month had
20 days. There was even one month, Wayeb,Time doesn't permit us to talk about the
that had only 5 days. As you can imagine,other types of ancient clocks like obelisks,
this horribly inaccurate calender madesundials, and hemicycles. And there
scheduling important events like the Superdefinitely  isn't  time  to go into merkhets.
Bowl next to impossible. It also left them
wide open to insults from other ancientSpeaking of merkhets, a close cousin of the
civilizations, like the Sumerians forclock is the watch. The watch is the
example,  who  had fairly accurate calenders.time-telling device that most of us use
today. We do not however, use it to tell
The Sumerian calender had 365 days per yeartime. We use it to do numerous other tasks
and even incorporated a leap year. Sadly,that watch manufacturers have incorporated
there was no Presidents Day, Martin Lutherinto watches like instant messaging, reading
King Day, or Arbor Day incorporated into theemail, and fast forwarding the DVD player.
Sumerian calender which is why the SumerianThere's even a new watch on the market that
civilization was eventually wiped out. Suchcomes equip with a radiation detector. And
flagrant calender discrimination, even in theyou laughed at the Eyptians for drinking from
Dark  Ages,  could  not  be  tolerated.their  time-telling  devices.
Since we have covered all pertinentObviously, time is not something that can be
information available about calenders, Iexplained in just one lesson. There's a ton
think it's high time we expand ourof more interesting stuff we could go into
understanding of time by discussing anotherabout time but, frankly, I don't feel like
mechanism by which we mortals judge thetaking the time to look it up right now. I
passing of it. But first, does anyone knowbelieve I've achieved my goal of using as
where the phrase 'high time' comes from? Ismany time cliches as I possibly could in one
there such a thing as 'low time'. Feel freearticle and now, I think it's time to call an
to ponder these questions quietly as we moveextended timeout on this whole time subject.
on  to  discussing:  The  Clock.I'm sure when I do write the follow-up to
this article that it will be just in the nick
A clock, for those of you who don't know, isof time.



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